Renee said...
Dear Hugh, I have been assured by a reliable source that you are the best person to answer my question.
So I put it to you: What is an actual 'Bollock'?
Also why is it called a Bollock? I'd appreciate any attempt made to help me in my quest for knowledge.
posted by hughevans at 7:40 AM
1 Comments:
Dear Renee,
I can tell from the urgency with which you write that this poser is something that is causing you much distress. I have therefore spent some considerable time deliberating over the best way to answer. I spent many weeks since my last investigation recuperating to the stage where my superior reasoning skills could be put to task at maximum throttle. So please, everyone, accept my apologies for the delay in dealing with your enquiries. Each case takes time to answer, but none have been lost or forgotten.
So without further ado, Renee, here are the results of my investigatory outing:
The word ‘Bollock’ is commonly now defined as “one of the two male reproductive glands that produce spermatozoa and secrete androgens” (ref: http://wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=bollock).
The great Urban Dictionary defines the bollock as it is currently known in modern circles (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bollock)
1. n. testicle
2. v. The act of a fat person running in a lopsided manner
3. v. tell off
4. Bollocks adj. - not true, rubbish
1. "ouch he only gone twatted me in the bollocks guvn'or"
2. He was bollocking along at a fair old pace in an attempt to escape the rozzers.
3. Dr. Percy have the pupil a right bollocking for not handing in his work
4. "Thats plainy bollocks good sir!"
A slightly more scientific definition of a bollock can be found at http://onlinedictionary.datasegment.com/word/ballock
In short, it offers a slightly less offensive and probably more technical definition as:
2. a pulley-block at the head of a topmast.
My learned Renee, however, I am in no doubt is not asking me what the bollock has grown to become in modern slang English, nor its technical definition. Indeed I would be “dropping a bollock” were I to conclude my findings at this stage. No, in fact Renee is sure to be enquiring about its heritage and how the word ‘bollock’ first became associated with the male reproductive anatomy, and in turn its new found versatility amongst the English profanity.
My research led me initially, as you would expect, to the 1841 Scotland Census Record, where the record of the first known person with the surname ‘Ballock’ can be found. It is commonly regarded in Scotland that the Ballock family contributed in some way to the evolution of the word ‘bollock’. After all, with only one letter’s difference, that is quite feasible.
According to Ancestry.co.uk, the first records of a Ballock we have is:
Name: Adam Ballock
Birth: abt 1821 –
Banffshire, Scotland
Residence:
Marnoch, Banffshire
I took a trip to Banffshire, and on the flight up to Edinburgh where I would have to change I met a small man who claimed to work for the Philippines Tourism Board. Not immediately marking any connection, and having an hour to kill we got talking about my investigation. He was very interesting and he was actually most knowledgeable about the word ‘Bollock’! Apparently in the Philipines, within th Province of Sultan Kudarat there is a place known to the locals as Bulock - the English translationof which is BOLLOCK. This seemed like a much better lead to follow than some family called Ballock! At Edinburgh Airport I booked the next flight out to the Philippines. It took a while.
The exact location of Bollock can be found here: http://www.fallingrain.com/world/RP/71/Bulok.html
I had been given the contact of a local English-speaking historian by the kind man I met on the plane. A gentle man, he told me the origin of the Bulock Family (still a known surname). Apparently the first recorded Bulock was “found in Roxburghshire where they were seated from very ancient times, some say well before the Norman Conquest and the arrival of Duke William at Hastings in 1066 A.D.” They have their own family crest too! (http://www.houseofnames.com/xq/asp.fc/qx/bulock-family-crest.htm)
Some of the first settlers of this name or some of its variants were: Edward Bullock who settled in New England in 1635; George Bullock settled in Virginia in 1635; John Bullock settled in Virginia in 1663; Thomas Bullock who settled in Virginia in 1624.
I flew to Virginia.
Unfortunately no-one knew much about the Bulocks here so I went back to the Internet and found a whole raft of Bulocks in… wait for it… the 1841 Scotland Census Record.
I flew back to Scotland. What a time-waster that Philippines guy was.
Whilst here I arranged a meeting with some Ballocks, Bulocks, and Bullocks (people with the surname, not the bovine kind). It would seem that each name is related, and all came from the initial Bulock family. They were all very knowledgeable and told me their theory on where the slang term Bollocks originated – somewhat proudly I may add.
Apparently in 1933, a London-born Surgeon by the name of Michael Loadaff-Bulock sold a photo that was claimed to be the Loch Ness Monster the Daily Mail, who subsequently published it and started a Nessie Frenzy across the nation, and indeed the globe. Still never found, the Nessie mystery led to a huge amount of skeptics, who in turn blamed Michael Bulock. Amongst the media all photos of dubious origin became known as ‘Loadaff-Bulocks’, which over the past 50 years has evolved into a “load of bollocks”. Over time, this became standard terminology for anything that made no sense
“So how did this term become related to the male genitalia?” I hear you cry…
Well it turns out that Michael Loadaff-Bulock continued his career as a Surgeon after the media attention had died down a little, and went on to become the first man to successfully reattach a testicle to a man after it had been bitten off by a dog. The slang name for testicles after this incredible achievement became the Bulock, but with the power of the media, the general term was changed to being a bollock or a pair of bollocks.
I returned home to write up my findings, relieved after a long time traveling, and having found the answer to all my bollocks.
Until the next time….
Hugh Evans PI
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