Fellow blog-hounds,

After a few days solid days of intense investigations I am back with some results.

Let us begin with Boris, who contacted me recently with an unusual but potent complaint.

I always like to show my gratitude to the introduction of new clients. Thank you Boris for coming to me in what appears to be an ever-expanding market (N.B. Thank you Jane for drawing my attention to the text investigation racket - not something I feel collides heavily with my unique style of detective work but encouraging to know you care.)

Now, to the issue at hand:


"Mr Hugh - I want / give me / where is the funk? I have looked hard but can find no funk. I want the funk, but I just dont have it - does this make me middle class?

Yours in anticipation.

Boris"


This proved to be one of my tougher investigations to date. Largely because defining funk within any given social circle is not a simple task. The 'funk' as a concept is abstract and difficult to put into any tangible form of evidence, and without more information on your family's roots and your way of life, defining you is nigh on impossible.

But Hugh Evans PI, as regulars to my blog will know, is no stranger to the near-impossible. So here goes:

What is funk? - I looked into it (courtesy of www.uol.com.br/uptodate/glossae.htm):

English word which originally stands for “psycho depression”, “body odor” or quality of something extremely informal. It has designated since 1967 a well paced kind of Afro American music, characterized by "fatback", a bass and/or drum note right before the strong tempo (second tempo) giving funk its characteristic balance.

With this in mind, let us re-visit your query:

"I want / give me / where is the funk? "

I think the best way for you to find your funk is to begin with identifying any areas of body odour you may have.. Places to look include bottoms of feet, under the armpits, perhaps on your chest, behind your left ear (the right ear is much more resistent to BO but worth a look).

Next, look into any examples of psycho depression. Have you been running around trying to poke things with scissors? This could be the beginning of a new funk in you.

Having found the funk origins about your person, you will be ready to start funking in the musical sense of the word. Follow some of the advice I gave to brother Dave who lost his blues, but in your case begin to re-funk. I personally re-funk to such musical genii as James Brown, or Stevie Wonder, but you will have your own favourites. Another recent discovery for me was Parliament - look out in particular for Dr Funkenstein. An inspiration. Truly. Finally, a little cliche but a good one in my experience is Play That Funky Music White Boy (Wild Cherry). Always gets my beat grooving.

So, to your class whilst maintaining the premise of funk. You were not clear as to whether being Middle Class was or was not an aspiration of yours. Depending on your class of choosing, here is some re-funk material that will aid you:

Working Class:

Tap Dogs
"They're burly, work-boot wearing, scaffolding climbing, tap-dancing men."

In an article by Michelle Theriault of The Bellingham Herald, the Tap Dogs were described as "'bringing' the working-class funk":
"Seeing six working class guys tap dancing out there, that's pretty fun for people."

Middle Class:

Dreamgirls
"Their re-creations of the Supremes' coolly sensuous pop rhythm-and-blues are so uncannily accurate that some listeners have mistaken all the ''Dreamgirls'' music for recycled Supremes"

The New York Times said:
"They've developed a polite, middle-class funk that isn't terribly different from white pop, and Dreamgirls recreates some of this music, too."

Upper Class:

Not many people, it would seem, associate funk with the upper classes. I would delve into some classic soul artists and pronounce them upper-class - perhaps blast some loud James Brown at your next afternoon-tea party or cheese and wine gathering. The reaction could be funk-invoking.


My dear Boris, after such a thorough investigation my pits are a little funky themselves from perspiration so I must depart. I trust you will find what you are looking for in whatever form it may need appear.

Warmest regards,

Hugh Evans PI