Hello my friends and loyal subjects...
Further to my recent post regarding a rival of mine, I am having some concerns about the integrity of the one who goes by the names of The Oracle (or sometimes 'The Oricle'), and Corfushus.
I stick fast to my morals when it comes to freedom of speech, and indeed will welcome his comments on my site and have by way of proof provided a free link to his inane rambling webpage, Bandidog.
With this, however, I wish to add a disclaimer:
Beware! Those of you who have visited his site will know that he has been desecrating the good name of Hugh Evans PI with falsified images of his trademarked vehicle of detection, offensive slurs on my much revered facial hair, and by commenting on this blog with evil and unnecessary plots, littered with crude and coarse prose.
On a more personal note - and I direct this at The Oracle - may I suggest that you concentrate more on fulfilling the problems of your clients than on sabotaging the work of others. Your apparent willingness to help me to overthrow my rival name-sakes is endearing but I fear it is clouded with something much more sinister. That much has become clear to me and I won't stand for it any more.
All the best to you and your kin.
Hugh Evans PI
Further to my recent post regarding a rival of mine, I am having some concerns about the integrity of the one who goes by the names of The Oracle (or sometimes 'The Oricle'), and Corfushus.
I stick fast to my morals when it comes to freedom of speech, and indeed will welcome his comments on my site and have by way of proof provided a free link to his inane rambling webpage, Bandidog.
With this, however, I wish to add a disclaimer:
Beware! Those of you who have visited his site will know that he has been desecrating the good name of Hugh Evans PI with falsified images of his trademarked vehicle of detection, offensive slurs on my much revered facial hair, and by commenting on this blog with evil and unnecessary plots, littered with crude and coarse prose.
On a more personal note - and I direct this at The Oracle - may I suggest that you concentrate more on fulfilling the problems of your clients than on sabotaging the work of others. Your apparent willingness to help me to overthrow my rival name-sakes is endearing but I fear it is clouded with something much more sinister. That much has become clear to me and I won't stand for it any more.
All the best to you and your kin.
Hugh Evans PI
posted by hughevans at 1:07 AM
2 Comments:
My poor misguided Shrub Rustler,
May I first take a moment to reflect on your decision to consult me. I trust you will get everything you need here and will no longer need to turn to any 'cowboys' of the investiagtorial circle.
Now then, I take matters of the soul immensely seriously and this is why I have been extremely thorough in my investigation into your case.
To understand who you really are I needed to get a mental image of your family tree. Fortunately you provided me with a clue in the shape of your uncle Charlie who died at the age of 97. Upon further digging (metaphorically you will be pleased to hear), I uncovered that your uncle Charlie in fact went by the name of Charles Oscar Sharp. Please see the below obituary for more information:
SHARP, CHARLES OSCAR (CHARLIE) - age 97, of Knoxville, passed away Tuesday. Family and friends will meet at Lakeview Cemetery in Lenoir City at 10:45 a.m. Friday for interment service at 11 a.m. with Rev. Bruce Robinson officiating. Arrangements by Rose Mortuary Broadway Chapel. (http://www.obitcentral.com/obitsearch/obits/tn/tn-knox38.htm)
I would suggest your name therefore is also Sharp. My advice would be to look for a Birth Certificate to find your real first name. Or choose one that works for you. Perhaps Razor? That will work wonders for your street credibility.
To the notion of shrub rustling: Delving even further into your Uncle's smeary past, I discovered that he was also the first known Shrub Rustler. Born in Knoxville, in the USA, he later moved to New York where he launched into a life of hoticultural criminal activity:
"But at night, the worries begin as they bed down, hoping that in the morning their beloved azalea or dwarf maple will still be there. More and more often, it is missing. The favoured flower or tree will have become another hapless victim of the Big Apple's latest growth industry shrub-rustling."
—Simon Tisdall, "Big Apple takes on the shrub-rustlers," The Guardian, May 25, 1990
So you see the name Shrub Rustler was in fact the secret identity of your Uncle Charlie. The name may have been passed on to you but this doesn't mean you are destined to follow on in his footsteps. You can lead a long and honest life.
I always believe that understanding your origins is a step on the road to self-discovery. Your Uncle's past need not be your future.
Please stay in touch and keep me informed of your progress now that you can finally be free of your life's chains.
Thanks for getting in touch, Mr Sharp.
Hugh Evans PI
Shrub/Hugh,
what a pile of horticultural fertiliser from the posterior of a Hoss. Mr Shrub isn't sharp at all, he's deranged and needs tablets, preferably all at once in excess of the recommended dose. He has wasted your time and my time with his constant whinging and blathering on with his life. If it wasn't so pointless and unimportant I could have helped him more. His spiritual needs would be better served with methylated spirit. As for your detective skill's then you need to wipe the aforementioned excretia from you magnifying glass. Shrub lied, he has had all his questions answered to date. One look on the site would tell you this. Secondly there is little profantity in my words of wisdom, You appear to have been reading or snooping on Jims "slag" site. An easy mistake for the illiterate. Now as for the car, It was me and it suits you, although I was thinking that an old Volvo may be more you, safe, strong and square. You take a holiday and your rivals try to steal you trade, you can have him. He'll be back with some moan about not liking the name sharp because he never did like the Napoleonic fictional stories. Better sticking with something he will understand, effervescent bath salts, candles and a three bar electric fire. Place the caustic soda in the bath to a paste like consistancy, turn on the gas, light the candles and jump in clutching the fire. It's the only way to sort out these time wasters. Go in peace, the Oricle has spake forth.
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